Dear Jason Derulo...

I have noticed your song, 'Ridin' Solo', lately. I have noticed it because it is on Galaxy radio approximately 5,240 times an hour. Every day. I would like to draw your attention to this fact, so that you can make another song. While I appreciate your need to relentlessly inform us of your desire to bang Harrison Ford, the sad fact is that your pathetic and reedy vocal is slowly forcing me to the edge of my already-tenuous sanity. If you were to make a new song, perhaps called something equally meaningful such as 'Wet Lettuce', at least it would be a change. Still godawful audio tripe, but DIFFERENT godawful audio tripe nonetheless. Now, you might ask why I don't just change the radio station to one that does not incessantly force your 'song' down my ear canals. Good point, and I would totally do this if the radio would ever pick up any station other than Galaxy or some mad Polish one. I much prefer the Polish one, as at least its insane method of song selection defies all logic and repetition (Aerosmith followed immediately by Britney Spears on one occasion). But sometimes we can't get a good enough signal for that, and it appears that I'm not authorized to turn the radio off altogether. My ruse of pretending to need quiet for a phonecall has been marginally successful, as I've taken to turning it down until the volume is so low that I can pretend something good is actually playing. And then 'forget' to turn it back up. But plans like these can only work for a short while, until someone notices and turns the drivel back up again!

I hope you will consider my request, and by 'consider' I mean 'act upon immediately, or preferably just shut up'.

And if you see Justin Bieber, tell her she needs a haircut.

Best regards,

Ellen

UPDATE: The Polish radio station just played the Muppets version of Bohemian Rhapsody, which is possibly the most bizarre thing ever when you can't actually SEE the Muppets. It's pretty bizarre if you can, but a totally insane thing to put on the radio! One word: WIN.