OK, so I was on my way to work (I drive now, which means I can more easily avoid contracting 207-HIV) when I noticed that my petrol was getting low. To avoid having to drag my car to work using a skipping rope and a lot of muscle-power, I pulled into a petrol station immediately. As I was filling the car up with fuel (the best thing to put in that part of the car, incidentally), another car pulled up to the pump next to mine. A guy dressed entirely in black got out, and started fuelling up his car. I thought he was a bit odd, as he had his hood pulled right up (it wasn't raining) and had sunglasses on, despite the fact that it wasn't sunny. Well, actually the sunglasses part wasn't so odd, except for the fact that we weren't in Kentish Town (where pretentious unnecessary wearing of sunglasses is common among the large Twat community). He seemed a bit on-edge as well, which caused me to continue covertly observing him by squinting awkwardly at him out of the side of my face in the manner of Popeye. Suddenly, he popped the petrol cap back on his car, jumped in and started driving off without paying. 'Aha!' thought I. So that's why he was such a shifty git then. Then, the next interesting thing happened. As he was about to drive out of the petrol station exit, STEPHEN FRY suddenly leapt out of another car nearby and ran in front of the moving vehicle!! Quick as a flash, he held out his hand and STOPPED THE CAR, causing it to grind to a halt and buckling the metal of the bonnet at the point of impact with his hand. As I was struggling to take all of this in, he deftly flipped open the bonnet of the car and ripped out the engine in one smooth move. Throwing it safely into a nearby disposal bin, Fry calmly locked eyes with the shocked driver of the car, and boomed 'I'M STEPHEN FRY, AND IF I HAVE TO PAY FOR MY PETROL, YOU JOLLY WELL SHOULD TOO!' The police then pulled up and began to arrest the man, during which time Fry sauntered back to his car as they waved their gratitude. I distinctly heard one of the policemen say 'Thanks again, Stephen!' as Fry drove off into the mist. Well, you don't see that every day!*
*Some or all of the above may be a lie
Nice try. But Stephen Fry's sitting next to me and he says it happened in Primrose Hill, which I know is not on your route.
ReplyDeleteHe'd have said so himself but he reckons the internet is evil.
That's interesting, cos I'm totally talking to him on Twitter and he says 'Tell your Dad to stop pretending to know me, it's embarrassing'...
ReplyDeleteStephen Fry sucked my toes in the Congo back in 1999, when he was celibate. I didn't ask him to, but once he'd started I was too kind to stick my foot down his throat.
ReplyDelete