1) I enjoy grocery shopping alone. I actually look forward to it. This way I can get excited about a new type of cereal without being judged.
2) I always linger in the kids' section of IKEA; not because I am a paedophile (I'm not, just so you know. Apparently women can be paedos too though, yay equality!), but because I wish the tiny cartoonish furniture was also made in grownup sizes so I could build my own Minnie Mouse-type dwelling.
3) I love it when the Oyster-card-inspecty-people get on the 207 and I have actually paid for once. This holds a similar appeal to the times when I was a schoolkid and someone else got in trouble for a change.
4) I check www.yesterland.com regularly to see if any rides have been retired at Disneyland.
5) I am still angry that the Star Tours ride is being replaced.
6) I alter the lyrics of songs so that they are about how stupid/fat/ginger/cute my dog is, and then sing them to her. She's deaf, so there is literally no point in doing any of this.
7) I like to make passive-aggressive comments VERY LOUDLY right at people who have pissed me off by talking during a movie as they get up to leave. Makes me giggle.
8) I start informing people that 'it's my birthday soon' about 2 months before my actual birthday. I am not under the illusion that my birthday is that important to others; I just really like to annoy people.
9) I used to occasionally go into goth/alternative chatrooms and proclaim my love for Nickelback just to watch everyone get angry.
10) I like to sing inappropriate songs in the style of Meatloaf while showering. I mean that I sing them while I'm showering; I don't know what Meatloaf sounds like when he's showering.
11) I occasionally wear aviators and listen to AC/DC while driving to my office job, so I can pretend that I'm some sort of badass. I also drive round corners slightly faster than I probably should to enhance the effect.
12) Sometimes I repeat advertising slogans from the television in a bad Russian accent for my own amusement.
This is not an exhaustive list, but I have to go and stare at the wall or whatever it is I'm paid to do now...
Only two months before?
ReplyDeleteIf only.
Oh my holy God we are kindred spirits.
ReplyDeleteHere is a song I sing to my god, to the tune of Sunrise, Sunset.
Where is the little pup I carried?
Where is the little pup at play?
Why do you keep on getting bigger
Day by day?
Where is your little pinky tummy?
Where are your sweet pirahna teeth?
Why do you suddenly weigh sixty
pounds good grief?
Where's my
Puppy
Where's my
Puppy
All that's left is soft ears
Somebody bring me back my puppy
Bring back my little baby girl
When I do this, she tends to either ignore me, or jump up and bite my lower lip.
OK, I sing the song to my DOG not to GOD. Sheesh.
ReplyDeleteWell, that changes it a bit! Haha
ReplyDelete