tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19513336720268546732024-03-18T20:03:02.657-07:00...said the actress to the vicarThoughts, views and socks are mine, get your own.Ellen Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14176485252625393118noreply@blogger.comBlogger40125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1951333672026854673.post-19520350230627586852015-03-04T16:47:00.001-08:002015-03-06T00:53:21.888-08:00Halting FootstepsHis stomach ached. He shivered a bit, but didn't particularly notice. As he walked down Ordnant Street, he was far more aware of the sound of his footfalls, which echoed around the empty porches of the Georgian townhouses as he passed them. His breath steamed ahead of him, and he dreamily watched the clouds as they puffed and spiralled on each exhale. He didn't hurry, he'd know what he was waiting for when he heard it. Passing the neon-framed window of a twenty-four hour grocery, he casually checked inside, through the squeaky-clean plate glass window. Only a sleepy-looking clerk, leaning heavily on the counter. Good.<div><br></div><div>He trudged on, turning left, away from the nearest tube station. A few hundred yards down the side street, he heard the sound he'd been waiting for.</div><div><br></div><div>Halting, clipping footsteps. He slowed a little, casually glancing left at the shadow thrown toward him by the lights on the corner behind. A long shadow, but that had more to do with the angle of the light than the height of the owner. And, if he wasn't mistaken, that fuzzy outline meant a fur coat. Topped with the outline of long, wavy hair, and he reckoned those sharp but tentative footsteps indicated an especially high pair of heels, perhaps even with a none-too-sober wearer. This was it.</div><div><br></div><div>He slowed a bit more, digging in his pocket and fishing out his phone, pretending to study the screen. The footsteps drew closer, and he allowed himself a small smile. The smile broadened when the footsteps drew nearer, but then the steps stopped, abruptly. Startled, he quickened his pace a little. It wouldn't do to be too obvious at this stage. The footsteps began again and quickly found their rhythm, so he relaxed. Reaching another corner, he peered each way to make sure the intersection was deserted. He exaggerated the gesture a little, as though checking his course. The footsteps approached.</div><div><br></div><div>But then they stopped again. His jaw clenched. He waited at the corner; surely she must pass soon, must have somewhere to be this late on a weeknight. He held his nerve, an opportunity like this might not come again tonight. He exhaled slowly. He needed to get this one, he ached all the way to his fingertips with longing, wanted to wrap his hands around that slender throat so badly. Itching, he wondered how much cash he might find in the bag he was sure he'd heard clinking in time with her uneven paces. But that'd be a bonus - he'd be kidding himself if he didn't admit he got a queasy thrill from each one of these.</div><div><br></div><div>To his relief, the footsteps resumed, still about fifty yards back. The small smile returned to his lips. He shifted his weight onto his left leg, and raised his phone for another counterfeit glance. The footsteps sped up a bit, gaining confidence, but still sounded a touch unsteady. So much the better. He waited for her to pass him so he could claim his advantage.</div><div><br></div><div>Closer the heels clipped, and his breath quickened. Closer still, and he tensed, ready for action, he was coiled and ready. Ten yards, five, two...</div><div><br></div><div>But the steps stopped again, and his breath caught in his throat. He froze, unsure of what to do. He thought he could feel breath on the back of his neck, but surely that couldn't be possible, those heels couldn't have been that high, could they? This was most irregular, and he found himself floundering, wondering what next. Then a voice purred right in his ear, as soft as moss and yet gravelly. </div><div><br></div><div>"So, who's following who, chick?"</div><div><br></div><div>He turned around, just in time to see the glint of moonlight on long enamel as a gust of hot, dank breath enveloped him.</div><div><br></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">© Ellen Gallagher 2015</span></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392);"></div>Ellen Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14176485252625393118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1951333672026854673.post-84054178692508973122014-06-26T04:04:00.003-07:002014-06-26T04:13:50.347-07:00A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A MEDIA ASSOCIATEI've been atrocious at keeping up with my blogging lately, so am reproducing my latest guest post over at <a href="http://blakefriedmann.co.uk/blog/" target="_blank">Blake Friedmann</a> in its entirety. More news to follow on the play I'm producing this year, will post about that very soon!<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Ever wondered what screenwriters’ agents do all day?
<a href="http://twitter.com/audreydeuxpink" target="_blank">Ellen Gallagher</a> is here to satisfy your curiosity…<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>A caveat from Ellen – this isn’t the way every day pans
out, or even a complete picture of everything that goes on in the Media
Department, not by a long stretch. No two days are quite the same in the world
of agents, that’s partly why I enjoy my job so much!</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">8.30am – Begin checking emails on the way to work. I
don’t want to miss anything, and am utterly obsessed with organising my emails
into folders. I work across a number of clients and projects, and I want to
make sure that any emails that have come in are filed correctly so they can be
dealt with promptly. Organisation is King in the Land of the Agents!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">9.25am – Arrive at the office. Make a giant pot of
coffee; it’s always wise to endear oneself to one’s colleagues by providing
caffeine-based sustenance. Similarly, cake is highly popular and should be
procured and shared as frequently as possible.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">9.30am – Right, it’s email-handling time. I respond to as
much as I immediately can, and put the rest in a ‘to do’ folder to be worked on
throughout the day. Emails range from rights enquiries or contract negotiation
to new client scripts and treatments, and everything in between.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">10am – I have a lovely phone chat with a client, and we
cook up some ideas about what to do next with his work. I end the call excited
to read the script he’s going to send me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">10.30am – Now we enter the Invoicing Zone. I keep track
of invoices and payments to ensure that clients get paid when they should. Our
finance manager Sian is an invaluable ally, as she is a font of fiscal
fortitude.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">11am – I spend an intense half hour arranging meetings;
some for our department, and some on behalf of our clients. I am the master of
the diary, no meeting shall escape my iron calendar. I have a pleasant jokey
exchange with a producer’s assistant about the awesome efficiency with which we
just arranged that last meeting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">11.30am – I roll up my sleeves to delve into some
contract drafting. There are always deals to be done, and putting together a
contract which protects the writer’s interests is a vital part of the agent’s
job. Contract language may sound a bit like it was invented by aliens who had
learned English from reading the instructions on a shampoo bottle, but it’s the
best wording to make a document as legally watertight as possible.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1.30pm – Lunch! I head to the kitchen and assemble a sort
of mad salad which mostly consists of whole tomatoes. I really like tomatoes at
the moment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2.30pm – I peruse the ‘to do’ email folder again. Some of
the emails in here require research or looking back over existing documents to
respond properly, so I do lots of that. It’s essential to be thorough to make
sure nothing gets missed, especially when rights are involved.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">3pm – A client has written a fab script, I’ve read it and
told her I love it. There’s a producer whom I think would love it too; I get in
touch with them and they’re keen to read it, so I send it across.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">3.05pm – Ooh, an email has gone round saying somebody has
returned from an overseas book fair and has brought some sort of food back for
everyone. A mildly twisted ankle is sustained in the customary BFLA stampede
for the kitchen.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">3.10pm – The post has come in – we distribute contracts,
financial statements and other documentation that needs handling on behalf of
our clients. Lots of filing and record-keeping ensues. Organisation, once
again, is the buzzword!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">3.30pm – Time for a meeting. A producer has come in to
tell us what they’re looking for, and to hear about our clients and what
they’re up to. Cups of tea are enthusiastically quaffed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">4.30pm – I put some scripts on my eReader to look at this
evening. I must prioritise existing clients’ work, but also I check out as many
new submissions as I can from writers seeking representation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">4.45pm – I try to tie up as many loose ends as possible
toward the end of the day. This includes logging script submissions (where we
have sent clients’ work for consideration) and doing any last-minute email
responding to keep the decks as clear as possible for the next day. I also use
this time to read up on as much industry news as possible, in publications such
as Broadcast, Screen International and online sources. It’s important to be
aware of trends and developments in film and television so that information can
be used to benefit our clients.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Around 5.30pm – I head out of the office with my eReader
stocked up with scripts. There might also be a screening or play read-through
in the evening that I’ve been invited to by a submitter or film school, but if
not I’ll go home to read and eat dinner. Another action-packed day of agenting
awaits me tomorrow, bring it on!</span><span style="font-family: Varela Round;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Ellen Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14176485252625393118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1951333672026854673.post-19230354782668627482014-03-07T09:18:00.000-08:002014-03-07T09:18:34.698-08:00Guest Blog over at BlakeFriedmann.co.ukI've done a guest post on the Blake Friedmann website. It's another advice piece, this time on making a good impression when submitting your screenplay to agents, and how to choose where you submit. <a href="http://blakefriedmann.co.uk/news/submission-tips-for-screenwriters" target="_blank">Click here</a> to read - cheers!Ellen Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14176485252625393118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1951333672026854673.post-59738150548097918242013-10-16T08:51:00.003-07:002013-10-16T08:52:51.663-07:00Ask Ellen! Another Screenwriting Question Answered...<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm back again, to answer another of your screenwriting questions! </span><br />
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Speaking of which, do feel free to either post your questions in the comments here on my blog, or tweet them at me (<a href="http://twitter.com/audreydeuxpink">@AudreyDeuxPink</a>) - I'll do my best to answer them as thoroughly as I can. I'll keep doing this as long as the questions keep coming in, so ask away!</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">By the way, I also tweet all my short-form screenwriting tips through the Blake Friedmann Literary Agency Twitter account (<a href="http://twitter.com/bflagency">@BFLAgency</a>) - so that's worth a follow if you want snippets of advice from myself and my esteemed colleagues.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Today's question:</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>What's the best way to get a script sold/made? Agents or going straight to producers/companies?</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well, of course I'm going to say that going through an agent is the best way. Natch. But that's not just because I work for an agency - it's based on my experiences in production companies too.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Most production companies have a strict policy; that they don't accept unsolicited submissions. This means that they will only consider writers or projects that are pitched to them by trusted agents, with whom they will have frequent meetings to discuss their clients<i>. </i>If an individual writer ignores this policy and sends their scripts in, they won't be considered, or even looked at.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This isn't because production companies are staffed by mean-spirited river-dwelling trolls who despise and fear the bright light of new talent - it's because it saves them a LOT of time and protects them (and the writers) from a legal standpoint.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Consider it this way - if a writer has managed to get themselves a respected agent, this is a stamp of that agent's approval. Already, this writer has proven themselves a decent writer in the opinion of at least one seasoned industry professional. Even production companies that clearly state on their websites that they do not accept unsolicited submissions receive literally hundreds of unsolicited submissions every month. This is simply too many scripts for them to reasonably give proper attention and consideration to. By requiring the writer to have an agent first, it helps the production companies to sort out the talented businesslike writers from the hobbyists. Sounds simplistic, but needs must when the alternative is trying to find a way to fit in reading thousands of scripts a year.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Another point is that a writer is far better served in potentially entering into a working relationship with a production company if they have an agent, who is experienced in handling and drafting contracts. If you want to be sure any agreement in which you are participating is in your best interests, it's best if someone has your back who has read and negotiated literally hundreds of these agreements before. Don't be fooled into signing away rights that you don't need to give away in order to get a project off the ground. If a production company has faith in your work, they'll want to deal fairly. An agent helps to weed out those who are less than scrupulous, and ensuring that everyone is properly represented in a contractual agreement prevents complications and legal snafus further down the line - it benefits both sides.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">NOW I AM GOING TO SAY SOMETHING WHICH, ON THE SURFACE, SEEMS TO COMPLETELY CONTRADICT THE ABOVE.</span></b> But it doesn't, honest.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Okay, here goes:</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you want, you can approach things in a more hands-on manner. There are options you can consider BEFORE getting an agent to get your work out there and in front of an audience, and maybe even some producers. You can even perhaps build a fan base for your work, which is the absolute top-of-the-tree golden fleece of fabulousness that all agents and production companies will be delighted by.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, here's my favourite one.</span></span><br />
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<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Put on a play. Go on, I dare you.</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's not as hard as it looks - if you live in London, there's the Camden Fringe Festival, which is set up specifically to nurture and welcome new writing and performing talent, giving them a platform to showcase their work relatively cheaply and easily. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's also cheap and easy (oo-er, sounds a bit rude) to get flyers and posters printed - <a href="http://www.solopress.com/">this</a> is my personal favourite low-price, fast turnaround printing company - and there are ALWAYS actors who are keen to get involved in London theatre. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Advertise using a site such as <a href="http://www.castingcallpro.com/uk/">CastingCallPro</a> - th</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">ough you MUST be upfront and honest if you can't afford to pay your actors, of course - some are happy to work for a share of any profits the show might take. Your main costs will be venue fees and the cost of hiring a decent tech person (</span><a href="http://www.stagejobspro.com/uk/view.php?uid=426654" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">this guy's </a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">good!) </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've been producing plays for the Camden Fringe for the last few years (<a href="http://www.manmoth.co.uk/">these ones</a>, if you're interested), and it's been a lot of fun. If you don't live in London, find out if your local area has a similar thing (Brighton also has a Fringe Festival, and of course there's the Big One at Edinburgh). If not, are there any local drama groups you can approach to see if they're looking for material? If not, can you form one? Put up posters, advertise on gumtree.com, whatever you gotta do.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sticking your neck out and making something happen for your work is more impressive than just writing it. It shows commitment, organization, drive - and has the hugely beneficial side-effect of allowing you to see if an audience actually enjoys and connects with your work. In comedy, you can test out gags to see which get big laughs and which fall flat. You never really know how a room full of people is going to react to your material until you've tried this out; crowds can be gloriously unpredictable. Seeing your work performed in front of a live audience can give you far more valuable lessons in writing craft than any academic course. Put simply, it shows you bluntly what works and what doesn't.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've been to a few play performances here in London, and a few 'rehearsed readings' of scripts when an unsolicited submitter has contacted me to invite me. Of course, I can't feasibly go to all of them - but a performance does give you an 'event' to which you can try inviting agents. If your play manages to create enough of a 'buzz', you might even find production companies start to take an interest in you...</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">...BUT then they'll most likely insist that you get an agent before they'll be able to deal with you. Because you need an advocate who can skilfully negotiate the contract to avoid misunderstandings and complications further down the line.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So it does all tend to come back to the fact that it is best (for most people) to have an agent first. That way, the agent can worry about the nitty-gritty legal stuff, and you can save your time and energy for being brilliantly creative. And, because they're taking meetings and 'bigging you up' to the producers with the power to get you paid, you won't have your material automatically rejected for being 'unsolicited'. <b>WIN.</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>PS - Getting a script sold and getting a script made are completely different matters.</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A huge number of projects that are optioned and developed don't make it to the screen. In TV, it can be for reasons such as the broadcasters' commissioners not finding it quite to their taste, or the fact that they've already got a similar project on their slate. In film, it can be because the funding or co-production falls through, for example. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There are many reasons why your script might make you some money and yet never get made - don't dwell on it. If you're getting paid to write, you're winning. Often, you can even get the rights to the project back later on, so can try it again in the future. Writing is the fun part - getting to see your work onscreen is kind of a huge, lovely bonus when it happens. So enjoy it when it does, but don't consider it the marker of success.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Right! One more done! The next one I'll answer, in a few days, will be:</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Are writing competitions worthwhile? </b></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Looks like a short question, but I can already feel another long answer coming on... ;-)</span>Ellen Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14176485252625393118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1951333672026854673.post-21259840661015912152013-10-14T08:01:00.005-07:002013-10-15T06:41:23.372-07:00Ask Aunt Ellen! Screenwriting Advice Column<span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This post has taken me a little longer than I had intended to put together - my apologies!</span><br />
<span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A while ago, I tweeted to ask for your screenwriting questions. Now that I work in the media department of a literary agency, and as I have a background in film production and development, I thought it would be fun to see what I could come up with in response to your queries.</span><br />
<span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />You didn't disappoint me (thank you, Twitterers!), but because I'm rather slammed at the moment, I'm going to answer the questions one at a time over the next couple of weeks.</span><br />
<span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />So here's the first one:</span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">What comes first, the writer, the talent, the script, or the agent?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Personally, I don't think you can separate the writer from the talent. Unfortunately, without that spark of creative brilliance, one is an enthusiastic hobbyist rather than what I would define as a 'writer' - ie someone who can make writing into a solid career path rather than something one does for fun alone. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;">That may be the agent in me talking - of course I don't mean that one must make all of one's income from writing in order to be deemed a 'writer'. It's more about PROMISE than achievement, to my mind. If I read a truly excellent script by someone who hasn't had their 'big break' yet, to me they are just as much a writer as a seasoned veteran of the industry. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;">So, you're a writer with talent, who has written a script. Great! Now write another one. And another one. And a few more. Now redraft the best ones a few times until they're honestly as good as they can be. Get feedback from other writers, from people you know who you can trust to be brutally honest. Writing is not the solitary vocation many take it for - if other people don't like your work, it doesn't really matter how much you like it - it won't get made, and thus you won't get paid - unless others like it too. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;">You need several scripts in your 'arsenal', as an agent will want to feel that you're interested in a career, not just 'selling a script' as a one-off. The number of submissions I see that begin with 'I need your help to sell my script...' or 'I'm looking for an agent to represent my script...' - that's a red flag to agents. Since we're going to be building a professional relationship with YOU, not your script, we want to feel that you take your writing career seriously and want to do more in the future than just one project - we want to feel that you've got a career in mind rather than 15 minutes of fame.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;">So now you've got a few scripts you think are, as they say, 'da bomb'. You're ready to try sending them to agents, to see if they're interested in taking you on as a client.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;">And here's an important part. Probably THE MOST important part:</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;">ONLY SEND IT TO AGENTS WHO ALREADY REPRESENT WRITERS LIKE YOU.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;">It makes sense, when you think about it - for example, if you write comedy, you'll want to have an agent who has lots of great contacts in the comedy production world. If you send it to an agent who mostly represents historical drama writers, they are far less likely to be interested in representing you, no matter how good your comedy script is. It's simply not their area of expertise, or enthusiasm. So do your homework, and submit to agencies that like your sort of work.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Another tip there - try to find out who the newest agent is at each agency. If your research suggests they seem to like your genre of work, submit to them as they're most likely to be taking on clients (much more so than the more established agents who already have lots of clients - there are only so many hours in a day and so there is a limit to the number of clients a single agent can realistically have on their books). </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;">The newbie agent gets the benefit of working alongside the heavy-hitters, and also has the clout of their agency's name behind them, so you get the best of both worlds - someone who'll have the time and enthusiasm to champion your work thoroughly, as well as some kudos to back it up.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;">So there's your answer - <b>writer and talent come joint first, then script (and script, and script, etc) - then agent. </b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;">If you try getting an agent with anything less than the best work you're capable of, you're selling yourself short and will either end up with a sub-par agent or a huge pile of rejections. So write your arse off first!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #f3f3f3; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thank you for your question! The next question I will answer (in a couple of days) is:</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><span style="background-color: black; color: #f3f3f3; font-size: large;">What's the best way to get a script sold/made? Agents or going straight to producers/companies?</span></b></span></div>
Ellen Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14176485252625393118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1951333672026854673.post-38479513489369284562013-06-13T05:06:00.000-07:002013-10-18T02:10:28.212-07:00About Fifty Billion Bits of News<h2>
Hello!</h2>
If you're reading this, my apologies for my lack of posting over the past year.<br />
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If you're not reading this, I'm not sorry at all because you clearly don't care. You swine.<br />
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I've had some lovely news - <a href="http://www.blakefriedmann.co.uk/">Blake Friedmann Literary Agency</a>, with whom I've been working lately, are hiring me in their Media Department to assist the agents representing writers of Film, Television and Theatre. My intention is to soak up any and all info like a great big Northern sponge, until I'm able to progress to having my own clients one day. </div>
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So I'll be launching myself enthusiastically into script notes, contract wording, rights investigating and much more. Heaven! </div>
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<a href="mailto:ellen@blakefriedmann.co.uk">Drop me a line</a> if you have a proven script-writing track record, want representation and have written a top-notch, excellent, unique and fabulous script. I'm always happy to check scripts out, although it can take a while. Please read submissions guidelines <a href="http://www.blakefriedmann.co.uk/submissions">here </a>first.</div>
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I'm also doing some script reading for the <a href="http://www.londonscreenwritersfestival.com/">London Screenwriters' Festival</a> this year with <a href="http://www.bang2write.com/">Lucy V Hay</a>, which is a fabulous learning-and-networking event. Check it out!</div>
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And one more bit of news; the eloquent and hilarious <a href="https://twitter.com/stephenjordan">Steve Jordan</a> and I are producing PILGRIM SHADOW, another Fringe comedy this year, on at the Tristan Bates 29th July-3rd August. Come and see! More info on that <a href="http://www.manmoth.co.uk/pilgrim-shadow">here</a>.</div>
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Much love and pretentious air-kisses,</div>
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Ellen</div>
Ellen Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14176485252625393118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1951333672026854673.post-58965008360513006872012-09-23T04:58:00.000-07:002012-09-23T04:58:25.266-07:00My notes from the LFS 'Running the Show' TV Drama Series eventA little while ago, the London Film School ran a day-long event at which many respected UK television industry professionals led discussions on the future of British television writing methods, how different writing methods might affect commissioning and vice versa. I took some notes, and wrote them up to pass to one of the event's excellent organizers, Archie Tait. In case you're interested in what was said (and you should be, it was enlightening!) here are my notes:<br />
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<b>Overview</b>: The speakers focused mostly on lengthier series formats becoming more popular, and discussed the benefits of the US ‘showrunner’ writing system, using a writers’ room to produce story arcs and scripts. They also discussed what makes a show more likely to be commissioned, and what sells best globally, among other things.<br />
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<b>The speakers and their credits</b>:<br />
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Tony Garnett (Producer Cathy Come Home; Executive Producer Between the Lines, Ballykissangel, This Life)<br />
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Stephen Garrett (Executive Chairman Kudos Film & Television; Executive Producer Life on Mars, Ashes to Ashes, Spook, Hustle)<br />
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Adrian Hodges (Creator and Executive Producer, Survivors, Primeval)<br />
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Francis Hopkinson (Producer Henry VIII, Murder City; Executive Producer Wallander, Married Single Other, DCI Banks)<br />
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Tony Marchant (Writer Holding On, The Kid in the Corner, Mark of Cain; Creator & Executive Producer The Whistleblowers, Garrow’s Law)<br />
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Gub Neal (Producer Cracker, The Fall; Executive Producer Hillsborough, Combat Hospital)<br />
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Frank Spotnitz (Writer & Co-Executive Producer The X-Files, Millenium. Creator & Executive Producer Hunted)<br />
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Sally Wainwright (Creator & Executive Producer At Home With the Braithwaites, Unforgiven, Scott and Bailey)<br />
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<b> Showrunners</b> – not common in the UK because there’s more of an ethos of nurturing the writer rather than the quality of the project being ‘King’. Showrunners are there to make sure the end product is the best it can be, even if this means stepping in and completely rewriting a writer’s work, or even firing them from the project if they’re not working out.<br />
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<b>Passion over profits</b> – trying to make programming that is similar to what has been before is, of course, the enemy of creativity and originality. However, executives/financiers/commissioners often want to hear that a project is ‘like’ something pre-existing and successful, as it makes it seem like a safer bet. So it’s often worth packaging a pitch in recognizable terms, ie a ‘precinct drama’ (one set in some sort of institution, ie police station, hospital, courtroom), but then almost subversively including quirkier ‘twists’ on the genre (such as something like HOUSE) – ‘Trojan Horse’ drama, smuggling in originality while making a project seem like something familiar.<br />
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<b>Group writing</b> – getting individual different writers to each write an episode of a series can be problematic if their ‘voice’ is too strong and distinctive – their episode might not fit in with the others and series may feel disjointed. The ‘lead writer’ may have to rewrite their episode to make it fit tonally, but this can be taken badly if the writer feels slighted. Ideally they’ll lay aside ego for the good of the show – which is essential in the ‘writers’ room’ style of series writing. If a writer is re-written, and the show is better as a result, they still get credited as the writer and everyone wins – the show looks great and reflects well on that original writer. A different proportion of ego/sensitivity and ‘the greater good’ is required for this method than is traditional in UK writing.<br />
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<b>Series vs Serial</b> – In the UK, series tend to be 6/8/10 episodes, serials 2/3/4. More scope for character development in series – they used to be viewed as less ‘worthy’ than serials, as serials were often concerned with moralizing and ‘state of the nation’ subject matter. They were considered more ‘literary’ – however, really tough to sell overseas as global market is more used to the North American model of much longer series – 22 hour-long episodes, typically. Therefore, the UK TV industry is beginning to lean toward longer series, of 13 episodes for example, as they’re an easier global sell and can generate revenue much more reliably. Co-funding from overseas is becoming the norm, and so US funding tends to insist on longer series so the end product will fit in with their schedules for screening over there. With a longer series, such as BREAKING BAD, it’s possible to ‘go on an adventure’, riffing on the moral ambiguities of the protagonist’s unusual situation, rather than having him caught and neatly morally resolved after four hours. There’s sometimes a dichotomy though, as a broadcaster such as ITV may only want to order 6 episodes, but the producer will know that they’ll need at least 10 to raise money from overseas entities. Then the producer has to try to persuade the broadcaster to order more, or perhaps run two series of 6 back-to-back so it can be sold as a single series globally.<br />
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<b>HUNTED</b> – A new co-pro between BBC and HBO – there are two different cuts for broadcast on each (ie HBO has a lot more nudity!) It was written using a writers’ room, unusually for the UK. Series creator and showrunner Frank Spotnitz brought along his team of writers and explained how the process worked – he wrote the pilot solo, then met with his writers and they discussed where the characters & plot might go over the course of the series. Then they each took an episode and wrote it, with Frank rewriting all of them to varying degrees. It was a very collaborative process though. They treated the episodes like mini movies, deciding for each a particular movie that would serve as a ‘model’ for the tone and pace of the episode. During production, the writers were on set a lot, and also invited to be involved in the edit – they were involved at every stage.<br />
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<b>Writers’ rooms do cost quite a lot</b> – not only does the writer have to be paid a writing fee, but also for the time spent in the room hammering out the arc together. It can really pay off in terms of the quality of the end product – but may not be the right approach for all UK TV.<br />
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<b>Using a writers’ room is almost imperative for creating longer US-style series formats</b> – a single writer or small team would not be able to keep up the quality for a run of 22 episodes. Using writers’ rooms could be the way forward for UK series to really compete with US fare.<br />
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<b>Things are generally commissioned if they have potential to be sold globally</b> – although it can be appealing to have a certain ‘Britishness’ about the characters and setting – there is a high global demand for English-language drama. But it needs to fit the format which is proven to sell worldwide for scheduling reasons, ie more episodes.<br />
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<b>Soaps already have a sort of writers’ room</b> – it’s essential for keeping continuity and for everyone to be aware of where each character has been and where they’re heading. Soap writing has always been rather collaborative by necessity – this is further evidence that collaboration is the way into longer-running shows.<br />
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<b>Tax credits</b> are making it more viable to produce programming in the UK rather than outsourcing production overseas. This is good! Since changes in 2002, it hasn’t been so financially viable to do so, but things are changing for the better once again.<br />
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Information collected from <b>Video on Demand</b>-style TV viewing prove that there is a higher appetite for drama than previously thought – that’s why broadcasters don’t completely fill their schedules with cheaper programming such as Come Dine With Me! More and more revenue is being generated digitally from drama viewed this way [NOTE – this is supported by an article in Broadcast, re All3Media’s digital content], so it makes sense to commission more. It is easier for viewers to follow a longer drama series, or catch up on one that’s already started when word-of-mouth increases interest, with VOD viewing.Ellen Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14176485252625393118noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1951333672026854673.post-86620738952238323942012-01-05T09:05:00.001-08:002012-01-05T09:10:57.166-08:00Short Horror Films WantedI've started a little project, in which I aim to collate as much excellent amateur/aspiring filmmakers' work in the field of horror, in order to pitch it around and see if I can get a major distributor to create a platform to gain exposure for it. <br /><br />Which brings me to my question:<br /><br /><strong>Have you seen anything totally awesome on Youtube lately?</strong><br /><br />Or perhaps Vimeo, or elsewhere online...<br /><br />As long as it's available to the public online, and is a short film (no strict rules about length as yet) I want to see it! Doesn't matter how low-budget, or whether it was filmed on an HD camera or a camera phone; I'll give it a shot.<br /><br />Whether you made it, or just saw it and thought it was cool, please send a link my way. Either tweet it at me @audreydeuxpink, or leave it in the comments here. <br /><br />Completed short films only please, no scripts I'm afraid.<br /><br />Thanks!Ellen Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14176485252625393118noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1951333672026854673.post-45423665163035763722012-01-05T04:06:00.000-08:002012-01-05T04:10:25.755-08:00Dolls' House of DoomWhile I'm thinking of more things to write on the subject of <em>Murder Rooms,</em> here's an early short film of mine. I was about 11 or 12 when I made this, and a little bit 'Wednesday Addams'... please try to get past the giant metal teeth and seriously dodgy haircut...<br /><br /><iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Cbe8TX6c0VA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>Ellen Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14176485252625393118noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1951333672026854673.post-88518055954106108852012-01-04T14:09:00.000-08:002012-01-04T14:44:28.109-08:00Murder Rooms, part 1Okay, so I slightly failed at posting again within a week. But it's been 8 days, which I have now dubbed a 'Beatles week' (1000 internets to you if you know why!)<br /><br />My Dad mentioned that he was blogging about his contribution to the BBC Films-produced TV series, <span style="font-style:italic;">Murder Rooms.</span> It was created by David Pirie, and my Dad wrote the episode entitled <span style="font-style:italic;">The Kingdom of Bones</span> - see his blog post on the subject <a href="http://brooligan.blogspot.com/2012/01/back-to-murder-rooms.html">here</a>.<br /><br />The show was a beautifully-shot exploration of Conan Doyle's earlier years with his mentor, Dr Joseph Bell. Charles Edwards and Ian Richardson starred, and they brought an interesting and warm portrayal of the relationship that probably inspired the Holmes and Watson dynamic in Conan Doyle's <span style="font-style:italic;">Sherlock Holmes</span> material. It had the benefit of lush BBC Films production values, despite being made for television broadcast.<br /><br />So, you may be asking yourself while pouring another large bucket of gin, why the hell is Ellen wittering on about this too since her Dad's already done it? Well, I was lucky enough to bag a small acting role in the episode, and I thought I'd share a few memories of the experience...<br /><br />I was a teenager. My character was Annie, a grubby little scamp who was the daughter of a travelling circus owner and showman played excellently by Warwick Davies. I remember that Warwick was lovely; to the extent that he didn't punch me in the face on the one highly embarrassing occasion that I forgot my ONE LINE during rehearsal. (The line was two words; 'Yes, Dad!' - I still vaguely want to punch myself in the face for forgetting it!)<br /><br />'Annie' and her little sister also got to sing a weird little song about a 'brokenhearted milkman' for Conan Doyle, as payment for their father's haemorrhoid treatment. Yup, hers was a glamorous life indeed! <br /><br />To accurately portray a grubby little urchin (NO IT DID NOT COME NATURALLY!) I was ordered to refrain from washing my hair for the duration of filming. This horrified me, as I go borderline-psychotic if I feel that my hair might be remotely unclean. But (rampant line-forgetting aside) I was determined to be a pro, so grinned and bore it. I had taken a brief hiatus from dyeing the hair a variety of violent shades of red, so it was actually an acceptable-for-Victoriana brownish colour at that time. <br /><br />I was taken for a costume-fitting in an enormous, awesome warehouse somewhere near the offices of the Henson creature workshop in London, and subjected to a vicious but highly authentic Victorian corset. I spent the majority of my 'down-time' on set leaning like an awkward, greasy ironing board against various doorways, trying to find a way to get comfortable in this instrument of torture. As is the norm on location, it was constantly bloody freezing even indoors, so I was forced to ignore the fact that I didn't like to drink tea and guzzled several litres of the stuff to keep warm. This presented the additional problem of figuring out how to navigate the act of toiletting while dressed in a wire cage/corset, several million petticoats and some giant bloomers (they're very thorough, these professional costumiers). Suffice it to say, I pretty much had to throw everything over my head and hope for the best. Yaay showbiz!<br /><br />Despite all of this, I had a bloody fantastic time. I shall do some more remembering and blog further on this subject very soon...Ellen Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14176485252625393118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1951333672026854673.post-42889238253138331912011-12-27T16:35:00.000-08:002013-10-14T08:22:57.374-07:00New Year's AberrationBy the bum of Zeus, it's been a long time since I last blogged!<br />
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I've made a proper, grown-up, totally-not-to-be-reneged-on decision to blog at least once a week in future. I've currently got several working brain cells left after the traditional Christmas Sherry Trifle Spelunking that goes on in our house, so I've determined to put them to some sort of use in the coming year. <br />
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But let me make this clear though; IT IS NOT A NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION. Making promises to oneself that are arbitrarily attached to the flipping over of the calendar are generally doomed from the outset, in my experience. Zum Beispiel: 'Oooo, I'm well proper gonna go to the gym fifty times a week this year!' is oh-so-swiftly replaced with 'What?? The local KFC has a drive-thru now?? TO THE GREASE-WAGON!!'...<br />
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So instead I'm going to pretend it's July so I can legitimately intend to blog on a weekly basis without being in danger of 'kidding myself'. So, I'm off outside with an ice-cream and some ill-advised Bermuda shorts... *is immediately frozen in a block of ice to be discovered by future civilization and displayed as 'Specimen of 2011/12 Idiot'*Ellen Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14176485252625393118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1951333672026854673.post-75844265372366860362011-05-19T15:25:00.001-07:002011-05-19T15:53:16.232-07:00My Thoughts on Why Behaving Like a Dismissive Arse Is Not the Best Idea.Recently I've been speaking to a number of people involved in drama production, development and script editing. They have offered support and advice to me while I'm working to expand my portfolio as a script reader. They've all been wonderfully insightful, generous and encouraging, and gone far beyond what I could reasonably have expected when I initially contacted them in terms of mentoring and assisting me. These people, I seriously like. These people, I would consider myself honoured to get the chance to work with in any capacity.<br /><br />BUT...<br /><br />One other person I encountered (not in an official 'meeting' setting, thankfully!) was exactly the opposite. As I approached and politely offered a few introductory words, I was quickly cut off with an abrupt and somewhat derisory sneer. As a result, I will remember this person just as clearly as those who have treated me kindly, but of course in an entirely different light. I will remember what their company is called, what sort of things they are likely to be working on, their name, and what they look like. Behaving hurtfully toward someone who is approaching you because they respect you and your profession is extremely low. <br /><br />I don't bear grudges, so that's not the purpose of my remembering the way they treated me. I will bear this person in mind because, in years to come, I may fabulously lucky enough to be in a position to choose between working on two equally excellent projects; but this person is attached to one of them. I will, of course, count this as a strong reason to select the other project; not out of bitterness or spite, but because <span style="font-weight:bold;">it's sensible to want to work with people who are personable and easy to connect with.</span> I wouldn't want to go out of my way to put myself in a position where I had to spend large quantities of professional time with someone who was interpersonally difficult. This actually applies within any industry I can think of; not just film/television. <br /><br />It's like these people are participating in a strange activity I like to think of as <span style="font-weight:bold;">'anti-networking'</span>; the philosophy behind that being <span style="font-weight:bold;">'why create a positive acquaintanceship when I can put someone down and piss on their chips?'</span><br /><br />While I accept that people have bad days, and not everyone wants to be bothered with young hopefuls badgering them for tips; in this case I hadn't even managed to ask a pertinent question before I was cut off. From the speed of my dismissal, I can deduce that I wasn't the first to be treated in this way by them, nor would I be the last. So this person has probably alienated a decent number of people before their careers have even fully taken off. So it's not just me that will have that bias against this person hidden at the back of their mind...<br /><br />And I bet that'll come back to bite that dismissive arse on the... um... arse...Ellen Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14176485252625393118noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1951333672026854673.post-79334044516717105892011-04-05T06:56:00.000-07:002011-04-05T07:59:36.822-07:00MewviesI'm in a good mood today. Possibly because I'm off my skateboard on coffee, and also because my hair is bright pink again. This is after a few months of trying to be a bit more 'normal'. Didn't work. Maybe because dark purple was as 'normal' as I could be persuaded to go... Sometimes I manage to disguise my inner loon - I'm like a stick of Blackpool rock, with 'LOON' running all the way through the middle. However, I admit that I'm happiest when the word 'LOON' is also written all over the outside as well. <br /><br />ANYWAY, I was saying that I'm in a good mood. So I'm going to write some random, attention-deficit drivel about movies that has popped into my head :-D <br /><br /><strong>WHY CAN'T THERE BE A FEMALE MICHAEL CERA?</strong> <br /><br />You know, cute & quirky, but not exactly pinup material. A girl you can cast in indie (or at least indie-style) flicks aimed at audiences in their teens to early thirties. The reason is that there are not enough PROPERLY FUNNY women that aren't totally butt-faced, the formula isn't tried-and-tested for profitability, and there are too many middle-aged male executives who think they know exactly how today's 'geek chic' set of young men think. 'Cheerleader types appeal to EVERYONE!' they cry. I ask them to note the number of men my age who secretly fell for <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0828961/">Jessica Hynes</a> (Stevenson at the time) when she was in <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0187664/">Spaced</a>. <br /><br />Of course, there are some actresses who get cast in these roles, and play them well. <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0981227/">Kat Dennings</a> in Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, for example. But I want more of them, and I'll bet the nerd-boys do too! The nerd-boy set loves watching movies, the possibility of a <strong>convincing</strong> (ie - not an obvious cheerleader-in-glasses type) nerd-girl who <em>gets</em> them, and hates feeling patronised. Difficult chemistry to engineer, but Spaced got it right... if only more movies could do the same... <br /><br /><strong>CAN EXPOSITIONAL DIALOGUE PLEASE BE MADE ILLEGAL? LIKE, PRISON-SENTENCE ILLEGAL? </strong><br /><br />It makes me want to run up to the projection booth at the back of the cinema and barf on the actual film itself. You know the type of dialogue: "Why can't you TALK to me?? I'm your WIFE!" or "Things haven't been the same since Mum died..." or even worse, "I AM your SISTER, you know!" Seriously, do you know anyone with such a specific type of brain damage that they feel the need to announce their relationship to those around them whenever they speak? If so, my heart goes out to them, because NORMAL PEOPLE DON'T DO THAT. It's the kind of dialogue that is lazily put in to explain to the audience what is going on by having the characters literally explain it out loud. It's unnatural and completely breaks the flow of the movie by causing us to cease to believe in and relate to the characters. It's like drawing aside the curtain to reveal that these people onscreen, with whom we've empathised and invested our emotions, are nothing more than mechanical automatons created for the purpose of pushing the plot forward. Which, of course, they ARE. But there's no reason to make that so obvious that it's offputting! If a filmmaker can't make plot advancements and inter-character relationships evident visually, or in the WAY they speak to each other rather than what is said, they have committed a fairly epic fail, and need to look at doing a bit of rewriting. I say 'filmmaker' rather than 'writer', as there are plenty of people sticking their oar in when it comes to a script in development. So stuff like this might end up in there at the behest of a well-meaning (but completely mental) executive, rather than as a result of an inept writer. If I wanted to wade through a retarded bog of clichés and poorly-handled storytelling, I'd... well, I can't finish that sentence, because I can't even IMAGINE a scenario where I'd want to do that. So I'd like it if there wasn't any of it anymore, please :-) <br /><br /><br /><br />Okay, that's all I've got brainspace for right now, am off to read a screenplay. Hope there's no expositional dialogue, or I might eat it! :-DEllen Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14176485252625393118noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1951333672026854673.post-83943195317041006862011-03-28T07:39:00.000-07:002011-03-28T15:02:13.075-07:00The Laws of The CinemaBloody Nora, it's been a while since I've posted! Apologies for that; I've just been taking a mad-load of script reading and development courses lately as part of the career master plan... between that, full-time work and frequent hair-dyeing, I did not allow time for blogging *hangs head in shame*<br /><br />Since I'm looking to get involved with script reading, I've been watching even more movies lately. I've always loved watching them, but lately I've really been taking advantage of my <a href="http://www.cineworld.co.uk/unlimited">Cineworld Unlimited card</a>, to shove as much nutritious movie goodness into my eyeholes as possible. While I love that I can go to the movies as often as I like for a flat-rate monthly fee, the slight downside of cinemagoing is that THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE THERE. I assume that there are other people out there somewhere who, like myself, simply want to enjoy a newly-released movie on the big screen with lovely digital sound. UNINTERRUPTED. <em>However</em>, I am yet to encounter such people at the cinema. Whenever I visit the Magical Moviehouse, I seem to be surrounded by gibbering morons who are intent upon shrieking/gurgling/snorting/mooing their opinions on a bi-secondly basis. I find it interesting that they have misinterpreted human society to such an extent that they seem to firmly believe that they've paid the insane sum of £8.10 for the privilege of having their loud, 2-hour conversation in a nice, dark room for a change. <br /><br />So I've prepared a short (by no means exhaustive) list of LAWS of cinema etiquette that should, in this ranter's opinion, be enforced by rabid badgers with chainsaws instead of legs:<br /><br />1) GO AWAY. This is aimed at all people. Please get away from me. If I wanted to spend upwards of 2 hours sitting right next to you despite the infinite quantity of empty seats far away that you COULD have chosen, I'd break into your house at night and sit on your bed while you sleep. See, it's not nice, is it?<br /><br />2) SHUT UP. <br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhzC7C1OvpQvLmpG-FvTVDo9M2ClL2pVQjN4X3rFQY9d_SxpBnzi6b-mj3GpV-JmB4cxmpzedglEdjald_V8DS5DqeFKYvUkAONlUgIjvN2shnIzHi4KvIpF-0OeOfxZLmpCb1v-BIa0U/s1600/shut+up.bmp"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 292px; height: 172px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhzC7C1OvpQvLmpG-FvTVDo9M2ClL2pVQjN4X3rFQY9d_SxpBnzi6b-mj3GpV-JmB4cxmpzedglEdjald_V8DS5DqeFKYvUkAONlUgIjvN2shnIzHi4KvIpF-0OeOfxZLmpCb1v-BIa0U/s320/shut+up.bmp" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5589149498769428418" /></a><br />Recently, we went to see 'The Adjustment Bureau'. In front of us was a bloke we dubbed 'Reaction Man'. Every time ANYTHING happened, he would gasp, loudly comment on it, and elbow the girl next to him (they seemed to have been on a date). I would like to present her with an award for exhibiting restraint in this situation, as the logical response to this would have been to stamp on his crotch. She made it to the end of the film without doing this, though, and so must have been a cyborg or something.<br /><br />3) NOISY FOOD = STABBY FACE. While your date might find it alluring that you're snorting and grunting in your haste to hoover as much popcorn into your face as you can before the previews end, it's actually a bit weird and makes you seem like a warthog wearing clothes. [DISCLAIMER: I MAY OCCASIONALLY BE GUILTY OF THIS. BUT IT'S CUTE WHEN I DO IT].<br /><br />4) CHECK OUT A FILM BEFORE YOU SEE IT. If you're a complete pleb who can't follow a plotline that doesn't feature animals or cheerleaders, don't go to see a political thriller. However, your loud whinging that you 'don't get it' is actually quite useful to society as a whole, as it informs your date/boyfriend/girlfriend that you shouldn't breed.<br /><br />5) PHONES. Of course, it's annoying when people don't switch off/silence their phones during a showing. But it's also intolerable when they pull the phone out mid-film and start arsing around on it, causing the backlight to PIERCE MY RETINAS. Piece of information for these people: In the darkness of a cinema, YOUR PHONE APPEARS BRIGHTER THAN THE SUN ITSELF. You might as well set fire to the seat next to you, as that would be about the same level of distracting. And everyone knows you haven't got a text, as you clearly have no friends.<br /><br />Okay that's enough for now, I've got to go chew on something to relieve the annoyance now...Ellen Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14176485252625393118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1951333672026854673.post-72774441132711768602011-01-19T01:37:00.000-08:002011-01-19T02:39:58.740-08:00Flinging myself at the film business like a golden retriever that can smell a biscuit...I have put my serious hat on for this post. No shut up, I have. Not literally, you understand; pretty much all of my hats are actually quite silly, and the vast majority have ears of some sort on them. Metaphorically, then, I have donned the cap of gravity. <br /><br />I am embarking upon the confusing and frustrating task of attempting to gain a foothold at the base of a career ladder. One that offers some hope, eventually and with hard work, of serious advancement. Please, dear reader, do not misunderstand; I do currently have a job. It pays money and is convenient to travel to. However, I am an admin assistant in a tiny company where there is, sadly, no opportunity for promotion or personal growth. The job has been a boon in the sense that I have been rewarded with promotion for good work, to the extent that such a small company is able, and have gained 18 months' office experience. This can only be a good thing, as my previous job-hunting attempts without any sort of 'experience' could be conservatively described as abortive. So I wholeheartedly thank my current employers for the chance to gain this valuable asset. The time has definitely come to seek higher pay and lengthier challenges though. However I am fully aware that this will be a long and laborious process, as I have chosen to try to get into film/television production. The purchasing aspect of my current job has equipped me with some skills that would potentially be useful should I find a way into production buying, as would my various forays into props buying for amateur projects. My lifelong semi-obsession with creating weird and ridiculous movie shorts, occasionally featuring a hamster as a villain, and often with a healthy dose of the macabre, also pushes my heart in the direction of production work. Having grown up being frequently allowed to wander around film sets, I have always been struck with the complex nature of filming and, for want of a less gimpy word, the exciting 'buzz' of it all. Particularly on American sets, as a visitor you are always courteously offered a chair. I feel like screaming 'NO! DON'T GIVE ME A CHAIR! I don't WANT to sit down! I want to run around like a baboon with its arse on fire, distributing tea and call-sheets! And perhaps even getting paid for the privilege!' Unfortunately nobody read my mind and offered me a job and a green-card on the spot, so it seems it's now up to me to do some legwork. I have an intense curiousity about how everything on a set is organized, who is responsible for what, and how it all comes together. I would like very much to be a cog in this entrancing machine, and collapse exhaustedly each night knowing that, while I might not have saved lives or earned a fortune, at least I did what I'm SUPPOSED to be doing. So I've been applying for entry-level jobs and paid internships like a fevered mental, and have every limb and extremity metaphorically crossed. Metaphorically because I don't want people thinking I'm constantly desperate to pee. <br /><br />There is a bottle of champagne waiting in my kitchen for the day I get offered the job that may lead to my utter, vomit-inducing and toe-curling happiness. Let's hope I get an excuse to drink it before the year is out...<br /><br />UPDATE - Forgot to mention I'm also auditioning, and organizing props, for a play that's due to be performed at the Camden Fringe this year. Will let you know how that goes, O Cherished Reader-bean...Ellen Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14176485252625393118noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1951333672026854673.post-41130225484648191922010-11-30T02:35:00.000-08:002010-11-30T02:42:50.973-08:00The Jumpsuit BluesLast night, I went round to Steve's after we had curry last night (he found my Madras a little hot, so I laffed at him for being a Southern git) and he produced my pink jumpsuit as it had arrived earlier that day! <br /><br />If you are unfamiliar with <a href="http://www.onepiece.co.uk/store.php">these jumpsuits</a>, you have not lived.<br /><br />But not to GIVE to me yet; they had mistakenly sent the extra small size instead of just small, so he wanted me to try it on to see if he had to try and get it exchanged before Christmas. I put it on, and instantly felt like some kind of awesome, snuggly, highly camp astronaut. Luckily it fitted fine (if it was any bigger it would probably have been a bit TOO ridiculous - this is, of course, all relative), which was good until HE MADE ME GIVE IT BACK UNTIL CHRISTMAS!! Sad times... It's the weirdest thing ever! It can zip up all the way over my face for no apparent reason (SHUT UP!), and has a mad number of pockets. The only thing missing is a proper old-stylee longjohn buttflap, but I'll forgive it that one omission. I miss it already, and am looking forward to Christmas when I can get rid of all my other clothes and take to looking like a retarded-but-harmless descendent of Buzz Aldrin once more...Ellen Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14176485252625393118noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1951333672026854673.post-4719040871887466792010-11-12T06:10:00.000-08:002010-11-12T06:17:51.150-08:00The Return of American Express...American Express called the company I work for again today. If you are unsure of the significance of this, please see <a href="http://audreydeux.blogspot.com/2010/07/telemarketers-beware-i-have-slight.html">here</a>.<br /><br />ME: Good afternoon, [COMPANY NAME], how can I help you?<br />TELEMARKETER: Yes, good afternoon. I would like to speak to [MANAGER'S NAME, ONLY PRONOUNCED SLIGHTLY LESS WRONGLY THAN LAST TIME THEY CALLED].<br />ME: Is this American Express, by any chance?<br />TELEMARKETER: [STUNNED SILENCE] Um, yes?<br />ME: My spirit guide told me it would be. It also says you should watch your back tomorrow. <br />TELEMARKETER: Wha..?!<br />ME: [EXAGGERATEDLY LOUDLY] OKAY, I LOVE YOU, BUHBYE!!!!Ellen Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14176485252625393118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1951333672026854673.post-43263940198060949702010-11-01T09:17:00.000-07:002010-11-01T09:38:29.809-07:00Further reasons why I am a... you know what, I'm bored of typing this title13) I can't see a puppy without devolving into some sort of squealing melty idiot-woman. Puppies actually make my heart hurt. I am supposed to be educated and at least vaguely mature. Which is clearly total shite.<br />14) I secretly sort-of don't hate pork scratchings. Which I call 'itchy pigs' in order to try and put myself off. I actually refuse to allow myself to openly like them.<br />15) I sometimes buy magazines called things like 'Murder Monthly' to read on the machines at the gym to discourage awkward treadmill conversationalists.<br />16) I only like salad if bacon is involved.<br />17) I own a couple of pairs of shoes that I will NEVER be able to walk in successfully, but I keep them at eye-level for when I'm on my sofa because they are pretty.<br />18) Sometimes young children are openly delighted by my hair, and ask their parents if they can have their hair bright colours too. The parents' looks of utter horror are highly amusing to me, and can literally make my day.<br />19) I think it is absolutely fine to wear my swimsuit in my flat for no reason. I waited ages on a waiting list for the bastard thing, and I will not allow a lack of outdoor opportunity prevent me from wearing it!!! (PS - it is completely fabulous)<br />20) It is my firm belief that gin is an acceptable form of dessert.<br />21) I have several t-shirts with variations on 'Your Mum' jokes on them.<br />22) I have actually spent this long thinking of things about myself to write here. Narcissism, meet thy most devout champion!Ellen Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14176485252625393118noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1951333672026854673.post-56316567244590769642010-10-28T07:04:00.000-07:002010-10-28T07:27:51.519-07:00Reasons Why I Am a Total Freakin' Loser1) I enjoy grocery shopping alone. I actually look forward to it. This way I can get excited about a new type of cereal without being judged.<br />2) I always linger in the kids' section of IKEA; not because I am a paedophile (I'm not, just so you know. Apparently women can be paedos too though, yay equality!), but because I wish the tiny cartoonish furniture was also made in grownup sizes so I could build my own Minnie Mouse-type dwelling.<br />3) I love it when the Oyster-card-inspecty-people get on the 207 and I have actually paid for once. This holds a similar appeal to the times when I was a schoolkid and someone else got in trouble for a change.<br />4) I check www.yesterland.com regularly to see if any rides have been retired at Disneyland. <br />5) I am still angry that the Star Tours ride is being replaced.<br />6) I alter the lyrics of songs so that they are about how stupid/fat/ginger/cute my dog is, and then sing them to her. She's deaf, so there is literally no point in doing any of this.<br />7) I like to make passive-aggressive comments VERY LOUDLY right at people who have pissed me off by talking during a movie as they get up to leave. Makes me giggle.<br />8) I start informing people that 'it's my birthday soon' about 2 months before my actual birthday. I am not under the illusion that my birthday is that important to others; I just really like to annoy people.<br />9) I used to occasionally go into goth/alternative chatrooms and proclaim my love for Nickelback just to watch everyone get angry.<br />10) I like to sing inappropriate songs in the style of Meatloaf while showering. I mean that I sing them while I'm showering; I don't know what Meatloaf sounds like when he's showering.<br />11) I occasionally wear aviators and listen to AC/DC while driving to my office job, so I can pretend that I'm some sort of badass. I also drive round corners slightly faster than I probably should to enhance the effect.<br />12) Sometimes I repeat advertising slogans from the television in a bad Russian accent for my own amusement.<br /><br />This is not an exhaustive list, but I have to go and stare at the wall or whatever it is I'm paid to do now...Ellen Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14176485252625393118noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1951333672026854673.post-88048731853796454012010-10-06T07:16:00.000-07:002010-10-06T07:49:36.385-07:00PielightA deserted loading dock. Midnight. Heavy rainfall, slightly muffling the sound of stilettos on concrete. She throws a brief glance over her shoulder, suppresses a shiver and hurries to the centre of the dock, where he is waiting. Stopping about two feet's distance from him, she avoids his gaze for a brief moment. She is shaking, her fists clenched at her sides. Then, with a sudden cry, she lands a stinging slap across his face. He remains still, allows her to compose herself. Breathing still a little ragged, she finally brings herself to look directly at him.<br />"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" She asks the question, already fearing the answer. "Why couldn't you just be honest with me from the beginning?"<br />"I didn't want to hurt you. But I can't change what I am."<br />She nods, the fight drained from her. Her tears mix with the streams of rain coursing down her face.<br />"What am I supposed to do now?" Looking into his face, imploringly.<br />"You must forget all about me. This can never be..." Even as he says it, he knows she will not listen. She is reaching into the pocket of her coat, and he trails off, intrigued. Her hand trembles slightly as she reveals its contents; a miniature, cellophane-wrapped pork pie. His reaction is instant and terrifying. A guttural cry escapes his lips as he lunges for the morsel, consuming it in an instant; cellophane and all. Suddenly filled with horror and revulsion at his involuntary action, he backs away from her. Her eyes are wide with fear, yet still she takes a step toward him. Then another. Placing a soothing hand on his shoulder, she gently tilts his chin so that they are face to face. With surprising firmness, she speaks:<br />"I don't care. It doesn't matter to me that you are completely obsessed with pies, you fat bastard! I need you." They embrace as the rain continues to pour. In the distance, a coyote howls.Ellen Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14176485252625393118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1951333672026854673.post-40113300411655110462010-09-30T04:49:00.000-07:002010-09-30T05:01:46.612-07:00Some Stuff that HappenedOK, so I was on my way to work (I drive now, which means I can more easily avoid contracting 207-HIV) when I noticed that my petrol was getting low. To avoid having to drag my car to work using a skipping rope and a lot of muscle-power, I pulled into a petrol station immediately. As I was filling the car up with fuel (the best thing to put in that part of the car, incidentally), another car pulled up to the pump next to mine. A guy dressed entirely in black got out, and started fuelling up his car. I thought he was a bit odd, as he had his hood pulled right up (it wasn't raining) and had sunglasses on, despite the fact that it wasn't sunny. Well, actually the sunglasses part wasn't so odd, except for the fact that we weren't in Kentish Town (where pretentious unnecessary wearing of sunglasses is common among the large Twat community). He seemed a bit on-edge as well, which caused me to continue covertly observing him by squinting awkwardly at him out of the side of my face in the manner of Popeye. Suddenly, he popped the petrol cap back on his car, jumped in and started driving off without paying. 'Aha!' thought I. So that's why he was such a shifty git then. Then, the next interesting thing happened. As he was about to drive out of the petrol station exit, STEPHEN FRY suddenly leapt out of another car nearby and ran in front of the moving vehicle!! Quick as a flash, he held out his hand and STOPPED THE CAR, causing it to grind to a halt and buckling the metal of the bonnet at the point of impact with his hand. As I was struggling to take all of this in, he deftly flipped open the bonnet of the car and ripped out the engine in one smooth move. Throwing it safely into a nearby disposal bin, Fry calmly locked eyes with the shocked driver of the car, and boomed 'I'M STEPHEN FRY, AND IF I HAVE TO PAY FOR MY PETROL, YOU JOLLY WELL SHOULD TOO!' The police then pulled up and began to arrest the man, during which time Fry sauntered back to his car as they waved their gratitude. I distinctly heard one of the policemen say 'Thanks again, Stephen!' as Fry drove off into the mist. Well, you don't see that every day!*<br /><br /><br />*Some or all of the above may be a lieEllen Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14176485252625393118noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1951333672026854673.post-21417045131347101062010-09-18T17:56:00.000-07:002010-09-18T18:18:51.975-07:00Beatles Poetry. Or, 'Shut up, you self-important cow'I dearly hold all I have known<br />In friendship or in love,<br />I cannot fault their offerings<br />Of olive-branch or dove,<br />However I can fully say<br />Of all the ones held true,<br />They simply cannot take the place<br />Of the hated Meanies Blue.<br /><br />I love those dear Blue Meanies,<br />Of whom are not thought well,<br />They hate that Paul McCartney<br />Who's honestly a bell<br />-END of the story here must be<br />In spite of what is due,<br />I finish my discourse with love<br />Me do, sir please don't sueEllen Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14176485252625393118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1951333672026854673.post-7704920542098735442010-09-06T04:09:00.000-07:002010-09-06T04:20:08.569-07:00Letter to SelfDear Ellen,<br /><br />I am writing to politely suggest that you SORT IT OUT! It is not acceptable to wear pink tights with a red skirt just because you couldn't be arsed to do laundry last week. It is also not acceptable to cut down to one meal a day because you can't be arsed to go food shopping either. You seem to find ample time to arse around making sure your hair stays pink, and to Facebook stalk plenty of people. Therefore it stands to reason that you could find a spare minute of your day to OPEN THE DAMN MAIL! Seriously, it is just unnecessary to have FOUR newsletters from your former school hanging around your kitchen counter. If you don't care what the school is up to these days, PUT THEM IN THE BIN!! I am writing this to you for your own good, as it seems that you have lost track of what is important. Although drinking beer and laughing hysterically might seem important at the time, you spend more than enough time doing both of these things already, and can afford to cut back a bit. Also, stop lying to people; clear nail varnish DOES NOT FIX EVERYTHING, and sometimes it's better to throw something away or use ACTUAL GLUE to fix it. It's just misleading to keep insisting otherwise. Although if you do invest in any actual glue in the near future, try to avoid gluing your hand to a porcelain model of a bus this time.<br /><br />Another important point to address is that eye-creams and green tea are NOT a substitute for sleep. You actually do have to close your eyes occasionally to avoid looking like the cryptkeeper.<br /><br />And stop accepting Jaegerbombs on work nights!! It never ends well!<br /><br />Yours disapprovingly, <br /><br />EllenEllen Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14176485252625393118noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1951333672026854673.post-18564364578302536112010-09-02T14:57:00.000-07:002010-09-02T15:09:59.515-07:00Poetree, or 'shut up, you pretentious bitch'I would dearly love to write poetry<br />But I can't, for I have not a brain<br />I can sing, I can cook and can argue<br />But I try to compose rhyme in vain<br />I wish I possessed such a talent<br />To allow me to pour out my soul<br />But alas, I can find no such whimsy<br />For my heart is as vital as coal<br />Oh I wish I could write lovely poetry<br />My ev'ry thought captured with it<br />But unfortunately I am fated<br />To write this unbearable shitEllen Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14176485252625393118noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1951333672026854673.post-62950923112419067912010-08-23T05:18:00.000-07:002010-08-23T05:19:59.607-07:00Bloodstock videoHier ist eine kleine video of Neonfly at Bloodstock... not sure who that pink git on the far end is though...<br /><object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/mmWLz6PC2EQ?fs=1&hl=en_GB"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/mmWLz6PC2EQ?fs=1&hl=en_GB" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>Ellen Gallagherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14176485252625393118noreply@blogger.com0